Being Yourself with Others:
Communication and Physical Intimacy

The main cause of depression is a lack of affection.

The Dalai Lama


How many times have you just wanted a hug from someone, or just to have somebody brush their fingers through your hair like your mom used to do? Few of us as adults have the opportunities we had as children to simply hold or be held by another, to hug and caress each other in a loving way that is not about sex. As adults, do we really have to be sexual with someone just to be held?

Studies have shown that infants who are not touched languish. The same is true of adults. Chronic loneliness leads to chronic disease. In other cultures, people sleep together or cuddle all the time. Body contact does not mean sex.

In this culture, there are few ways to enjoy physical contact outside of sex. Besides social dancing and contact sports, where else can we touch each other without all the implications and complications? Sadly, most of us can't even ask our friends. Men can't show weakness, and women can't ask for touch, especially from men, without opening up the possibility of a sexual proposition. Men can't ask men to touch them for similar reasons. Even a licensed massage or body-centered therapist can't be paid to cradle you in their arms. We associate "spooning" too closely with sex. Compared to other cultures, it's as if you couldn't shake hands with people without it being taken as a come-on.

Why the hang-ups around touch? It's a sign of poor boundaries. Most of us are afraid to ask for what we want. Many are even more afraid to say no to what we don't want. How many times have you gone along with something you really didn't want? Why?

The fact is that we are basically "pack animals" with tremendous fears of rejection. Still, plenty of happy people have learned how to say no when they don't want something and yes when they do. And that's why they're happy. Are you?

Don't let this culture stop you from being a healthy, happy, vibrant human being. You can learn how to ask for what you want and say "no thank you" to what is not for you. In the safe space we will create (a.k.a., a "cuddle party"), you can rediscover the freedom of childhood in innocent, non-sexual, totally-optional, physical play. This space is safe because YOU make it so. You will be able to trust yourself to be true to yourself.

If you want more touch, friendship, affection... anything in your life that you are afraid to ask for or don't know how, come learn how to be yourself with others. Learn to be more REAL. Start being who you really are and start really living.

 


Something we were withholding made us weak
Until we found it was ourselves.

Robert Frost